I want to talk about insecurities. An insecurity to me is anything that makes you feel negative about yourself. It could be something that someone said to you that stuck in your head or it may be your own head telling you these horrible things about yourself.
We get insecure about a range of things from our weight to our personal lives, and everyone has at least one thing that they hate about themselves. Yes, hate! I'm not sugar-coating anything today, these are things that we genuinely hate about ourselves, and they can impact our life if we let them.
My biggest insecurities are my boobs. I have really big boobs that limit the outfits I can wear. Even tailored dresses that leave room to curve around my assets make me insecure. I feel that a lot of clothes squash my boobs against my chest making my top half look a lot bigger than it actually is. On bad days I just hear my head screaming at me "fat, fat, fat fat!" and it has reduced me to tears.
As I said, everyone has these moments, and unfortunately, on occasion it can have fatal effects. This post is not going to be tips on how to stop these feelings occurring. I'm not a psychiatrist. What this will be is tips on how I stop these feelings eating me up for the rest of my day, and live my life.
Mirrors
If I stand close to my mirror I feel short, have no shape to my body, boobs look enormous and hips are so wide. I feel like I've put my weight back on. The dress could fit perfectly, but all I see is this warped image of myself as this former fat person. I could probably get down to a size 10 and I would still feel like this. The thing about insecurities is that they are all in your head. It's something that's programmed inside you.
So how can you alter that image you see in the mirror? Take a few steps back. Now find something you like about yourself. Depending on how deep-set your insecurity is the first time you try this it may be difficult. It doesn't have to be something huge, find a little thing. The first time I tried this, mine was, "I like my eyes when I smile." Once you have it concentrate on it. Then breathe. If you feel the negative comment coming back, think of another nice thing. These small little positive comments can do a lot to fight that bigger insecurity. Even taking those steps away from the mirror give a better picture of your appearance.
I do this mirror technique every time I get dressed now.
Write Down the Positives
| Who keeps a diary? Who bitches every horrible thing that happens to them, and how they feel about themselves in this diary? In the final few months of my last relationship, I didn't see a lot of my boyfriend and every negative thought about yourself goes through your head. You're not pretty enough for him! He's back with his ex because you won't do what he wants and she will! Who wants to date a fat girl? Maybe you've turned him gay too! He's cheating on you! I'm too young for him; am I immature? |
But anyway, diaries! I picked up this tip when I used the Paul McKenna's 'I Can Make You Thin'' book to lose weight. There was a diary that went with this. One of the sections in the diary was a place for you to say one positive thing that happened on that day, and it couldn't be weight related. It had to be something that made you feel good. It helped me stop obsessing about the thing that made me pick up his book in the first place.
In the case of insecurities, especially concerning that estranged boyfriend, write about good things you did in your day without him, what is special about you outside the relationship? If you write about those things you enjoy, it will stop you obsessing over those insecurities concerning yourself and your relationship.
One thing I will add is if he is being as distant as that, and making you feel all those horrible things about yourself, do you really want him in your life?
Know when to ask for help
When your insecurities truly are effecting your everyday life to an extreme, such as in the case of depression, never feel like you have to suffer in silence. A good support group of friends can be enough to get you feeling better about yourself, and can help you when that insecurity attempts to take over. In times where I feel like everything is coming down on me I usually do call my friends or tell my Mam. It usually does help to just let someone else in on this big secret.
In the extreme cases where medical intervention is needed, make sure you are heard. I do not have enough experience with eating disorders or depression to give full advise. But if you do get to the point where you feel that your health is compromised, or you just don't feel yourself, do see your GP.
Insecurities are normal
These are the tips that help me combat my insecurities. I hope they help some of you if you are having one of those days where you just can't budge that negative thought from your head. If you have your own coping mechanisms please share them in the comments.
I know this was a very personal thing to share, but I have wanted to write an insecurities related post for a while now. I am sorry if I have offended anybody in writing this.
Something more happy will be posted soon.
Bye for now!
xxx